Things I missed in the Silicon Valley

I’m leaving the Silicon Valley soon for the less-techy, less-paxilled neighborhoods of Paris. While I’m looking forward to the move, there are a few things I missed during my tenure in Sunnyvale. These are some of the things I wish I could have seen.

1. A good old fashioned food poisoning at Google. Nothing too dangerous, just a good case of random explosive diarrhea to wipe the “we get free gourmet food” smile off their faces. I can imagine the perky blonde TV news reporter describe Googlers pooping all over their swimming pools, snack rooms, and massage chairs.
2. A Perl vs. PHP knife fight like the one in West Side Story. The Ruby on Rails guys could sit on the side line and watch the battle as they reward their superiority
3. Watching Oracle and Ebay employees argue at Starbucks about which company generates the most nightmares.
4. Seeing my name in Valleywag, preferably tied to some naughty scandal with missing money, illicit photographs, and a red Ferrari.
5. VC hawks battle on Hot or Not for a startup
6. Hotshots from “the City” hanging out in San Jose because it’s cool
7. An official “Dress Like Steve Jobs” day. Although this seems to be a daily ritual in some circles

Things I did get to see before leaving

1. Google, Yahoo!, Sun, Adobe, Microsoft, IBM, and other shops getting together to make web sites more accessible.
2. The best taco shop period: El Galope in East Palo Alto
3. Del.icio.us and Digg founders one upping each other at a SIG
4. Ask.com getting the biggest oohs and ahhs at an online maps SIG
5. Older men with bald heads and pony tails on every corner
6. Garlic Festival, Artichoke Festival, and the most flavorful: Folsom Street Fair
7. The temperature dropped 30 degrees within 15 miles, driving southbound 1 towards the Golden Gate Bridge
8. A geeky high-schooler dressed head to toe in valleyschwag looking mighty impressed with his insider self